Two things had happened this week. One was my
birthday (not fishing for anything) and one of my friends broke up with his
girlfriend, making him the 4th person this month that faced same
fate. I have written in here once, about the togetherness and how we are never
really together. I explained; how the basic physics actually prevents us from
really touch each other. When we feel someone´s touch, we actually feel our
skin moving away from it and there is always some space left between the
surfaces of our skin. This is due to the negative charge of the skin surfaces
that push each other away. However, that is not the only thing that separates
us. We, in fact, are never really together even when we are in relationship
with someone. This seems as a harsh statement
to accept, especially in this society that was built up on the romantic
connotation of every relationship. However, it is true. There is no difference between
a relation to a person we choose and relation to any other person we´ve left neglected.
On the opposite side, in my last blog entry I talked about the energy packets
that make whole universe sustainable, so on the other hand, there are no limits
between us. We are all pervaded with the same juice making us like swimmers in
an endless energy sea that only gets denser with manifestation we call a body
or an object, let´s call it matter, to cover all the aspects of tangible
universe.
So, to return to “the abandoned”, since I have
been having almost the same conversation for the past month, I realized that
issues were all the same, feelings nothing different form a case to a case and
my advice always included these two sentences. “It is naturally to feel sad,
but you should stop dwelling in the thinking and over analyzing” and, “it´ll
all pass as everything does; as your relationship did, too.” All is meant to
pass away into nothingness, where it came from in the first place. And also, since it was my birthday, or to be
more specific, because of all the good wishes I got from my friends on Facebook
that inhibited the same idea that we are never together, but somehow connected
through space and time, I decided to talk about this before it becomes lukewarm
and the passion about this grows weaker. Although I think, it ever will.
Talking to my friends that went through
difficult time I realized the pain they feel comes from the sense of loss. But
of course it does! That was no revelation whatsoever, but it gave me something
to gribble on. Why the loss? In order to feel the sense of loss, there has to
be an ownership of something. It is clearly here, the ownership comes from the
physical and emotionally attachment and it is the latter that causes the
problem. But that still doesn´t justify the dwelling in the sense of loss and
it does not make the attachment necessary, at least not from my perspective.
The problem with the feeling of loss is not in feeling
it, which is natural, but the cause for it - the attachment. The modern day
human thinks attachment is the essence of love, where indeed they could not be
more wrong. Love is free from attachment, it is however drenched in
belonging. If love would be connected
with attachment, there would be no space for freedom. Attachment talks
different language than belonging. One is ownership or submission, the other is
taking responsibility for another human being. To be clear, that does not mean
taking the responsibility for another’s actions or interpretations of the words
you say, but it means caring for others, it means benevolence.
One has to accept the fact no one is really
with someone ever. You share space and time with everyone on this planet right
now. You only choose someone to share it more thorough fully with someone according
to your own limiting criteria of focusing on solely one person. It is like killing
your own loving capacity by narrowing it down to one person. What makes that
person any different from any person else? Is he yours? Is he beautiful, funny,
attractive? Does he make you feel good? Does that someone love you? Does he
tell you, you are beautiful? Likes your humor? Do you like his? Does he make
you safe? Does he give you purpose? Do you feel special connection to him? It
was destiny? Was it really? Anyhow…whatever reason one uses, it never lands far
away from ego-full mindset and the basic misconception about yourself, that you
are not happy and that someone, some-thing, can make you happy. You may feel
incomplete or you simply fall uncontrollably in love, which is nothing more
than mere projection of your expectations on a canvas that will later, in the
future, inevitably show its true colors, which could be the decisive moment for
a breakup. We people are in fact our worst enemies, not knowing that, of
course. Or we acknowledge it, but not act upon that revelation. We people have
weird concept of defining what love is. It usually involves two people. And
that feels limiting to me. What is the difference between your love for your
father or a child and the love for a stranger you decide to be with or any
other stranger that you ignore by doing so? None! At least that is what I
believe. I realized one day, I am a creature of love capable to love everyone
equally and unconditionally with the sense of belonging, which means taking
responsibility for every living creature and not your submission to anyone. Everyone
is as important as anyone else. No one more, no one less. We are all crucial to
existence of this universe. Take one person out and this would be some
different Universe. It is because of this stranger that just jumped on a bus
that universe is as it is. So, why we
submit to someone or decide to act upon desire for one person only? Well, it is
a nature´s way for reproduction. But that could be in fact anyone.
I realized that day I could fall in love or
build a relationship with anyone in this moment. And suddenly, the great passion
I felt for someone at that precise moment grew weaker, the interest however
never subsided. It only got easier for me. The desire that usually makes us blinded
by and obsessed with someone, lost its power and the emotional state became
bearable. There was still love in me. There was still interest growing by every
moment, but the necessity of being loved back or the interest for it to be reciprocal
vanished. It did not define my love, it did not make me happy and it did not
change my peaceful state in any way. I was not changed, I was stoic in my love
and the thinking that we are in the constant flow of change was recognized as
an illusion of the surface. We do not change, deep within we stay the same. It
is only when emotional response is too strong, that we feel the change. Or for
that matter, when we clear of some emotional turmoil, we feel we changed, as in
growth. But we did not grow. We got aware.
So in the end it does not matter how we feel
for someone as long as we feel something. There is no greater good in loving
someone and no tragedy in losing them, because we are creatures of love and we
do not own anyone, we own nothing. We merely share space and time. We build expectations, we create future, we envision
life and when the expectations are not met, we blame it on others or build self
hating circle, which is hard to break out from. Where in fact there is no one to
blame, it is the natural way of acting. It is how we were raised to do. The only
thing needed is to simply be and appreciate the moments we share. It comes in
the end to that moment, and this one, and this one…it is the only thing we
actually got, entwined a round never changing calm and loving self.
And there is that.
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