I wanted to talk about
misinterpretations and taking responsibility for interpretations others make of
us. Well, I changed my mind. I do not want to sound grim or defensive. There
will be time for that when emotions subside and situations grow colder. Instead
I have something more festive to talk about, Love. Yup, love again. But you
have to admit, that is the sole subject that can never be discussed enough, plus
it always invites people's dreamy expression on their faces. And how could one
ignore that happiness?
So many of you have asked me
privately, what was going on with me and my status updates/reports on Facebook.
Why the culinary titles of my insights as pieces of beef? Well, it started as simple
posting of the excerpts from my conversations with my new found (and lost) love
interest, but it soon became something more, a project. I will not describe it
yet, but it has a point. However, it slowly moved from what is on the outside into
inner perceptions. My beef, my love, my rules, my decisions!
I know I have been talking about
love on two or more occasions. I was somehow detached from the subject matter,
though. This is actually what I am trying to do here. To take things from my
private life and lift myself above it to get the better perspective of how I
think things work. This time, I am personal. Not because I have any secret
agenda. No, this time I am personal, because the message could not be more
insightful to me. Let me explain.
In my last blog I talked about
perceiving the reality. I told you we all see it the way we choose to see it. Through
our perceptions, interpretations and above all, through psychological tools of
what state-of-mind we want to be in. That is all fine and good. And it holds true for
everyone. Reality we perceive is subjective. Even the time, space and colors
are subject to misinterpretation. Of course, this time due to physiological
limitations. We need to be really thankful that we live in substantially slow
world, where everything seems to be synchronized. This couldn’t be further from
the truth, though. Remember Einstein? Time and space are in a close relationship.
The more you are in one, the less you are in the other. The faster you move the
shorter the distances, the higher the masses. So it is with colors. What we
perceive as red, is what we perceive as red and it was taught to be perceived
as such. One can never claim to see the same red as everyone else. They only
see it because there is a point of reference and so the recognition, based on
previous knowledge of what red is, takes place.
So, you should ask, what does
that have to do with love? Well, in fact, everything. According to what I have
written above, the reality seems to divide us from what surrounds us. Your world ends with leaving the coziness of
your skin. There is a limitation to our senses, too. As I have explained in one
of my previous entries, we cannot ever really feel each other. We only get the
sense of it, because our skin is moving away from the skin of a person we
“touch”. There, however, is always a space between us, due to negative electric
charge of the surface of the skin. That is a physical fact. So what that means
is, we always perceive reality through our senses (that are incapable). We are
also explaining the same reality that is already an illusion through our
thoughts (that are subjective). In the end this causes a physical reaction we
call emotions. And what is love, if not emotion? Wrong! Love is ability. You
see, emotions are pointed inwards. Love is pointed outwards.
If your skin is a barrier between
perceived reality (inside) and factual reality (outside), one can easily see
that there are only two ways for those realities to communicate. One way is the
sensational communication (focused on thought) that, as I have explained above,
makes us build up images that then we translate into thoughts, thus giving
birth to physical sensations in the shape of emotions. The other way is active
communication (focused on action). Here I am including everything that starts
with Conatus, the primordial will to act. It does not take a scientist to see
that one cannot sense love. How could one? It is not hot. It does not taste, it
does not sing or smell or has shape. Love from perceiver’s point of view, can
only be, well, perceived. It can be thought or imagined, believed in, trusted
in or questioned. It can be anything but sensed. However, it can be ACTED OUT. Aristotle
said that senses lie. I could not disagree more. Senses do not lie. They do
their job just fine. They transmit what is given to them the way it is given.
Mind however interprets. The perception and categorization, they lie.
One acts on love. One expresses
it through action. One can declare, sing, dance, make a piece of art, kill,
eat, lick, swallow, hug, kiss, hold, fight, hit, etc. it out. The way the other
person perceives it, well, that is left to his judgment and here it is again; I
am touching the subject of interpretation or call it misinterpretation or call
it an excuse to be self-indulgent or miserable in your own skin out of fear of
being hurt, or call it immaturity.
What we perceive as love are
sensations we derive from attachments and expectations (illusions). What we
feel as love, are physical manifestations of those. What we perceive as good
love, is when our love is taken and given back; when it is accepted. Or it is
the other way around? When we feel loved and when we feel accepted? That,
however, is even more wrong. Or not so much wrong as it is misguided.
If love is ability, why it is
important to us that someone else is accepting it? You do not want someone’s
acceptance when showing your ability to digest. That just happens on its own.
This is how love is, too. It just is. When in love, it is just more focused on
one particular person. It just happens. It has been there all along, however.
Love allows you to take care of one another without any expectations. You do
it, because it makes you happy to be there. Love is not preoccupied with
future, because it is focused on the present. It does not ask you to do
anything, because everything just happens along the way. It does not try to
understand, because no explanations are needed. Explanations are a sign of
misunderstanding. Only mind can be misunderstood, love not. You either love or
not. There is no condition to it. Especially when you consider that your
interpretation is what you see and not what someone is emanating. Everyone
loves the same way, only expressions of it vary.
So, on one side there is you.
There is the whole world in you; all the perceptions and evaluations, all the
interpretations and stories. On the
other side there is the rest of the world. The way it is. The way it actually
is. Where the words have exact meaning of what someone thought, where actions
have the only purpose that someone had decided upon. The only way for you to
communicate with it is through expressions in action or sound. But first there
are your reactions. And those are rooted in your perception. So in a way you
react to things the way you perceive them. There lays the distinction.
In the end love comes from you.
Your inner world, the one that is hidden behind the stiff wall made of your
skin, the one that can only be explained through your actions and words. No one
can ever fully understand it. No one ever will. If one tries, one will face the
biggest Sisyphus´ work ever. One can NEVER understand completely. And then
again, why should one? If your actions do not match with what you are saying,
what should one believe in anyways? There is a reason wise men say, follow what
I say not what I do. It is because men are flawed. We mean well, we do the
opposite. So, when one acts out of love, one cannot be misunderstood. Only
words can be. If you act from love, there are no words needed. Why would then
one demand explanations (words), if actions support everything? Words are for
the weak, actions are for the brave.
So there it is, my love I feel
for you, my actions that support it and my words that many times are dimmed by
the darkness from my personal stories. But I act from love. To give it. To share
it. For you to feel it. If my words hurt you, it is not out of love, it is out
of fear. The fear that was rooted in my
childhood, when I was left by my whole family when I was 2 years old, not by choice,
but by the circumstances. It hurt and it left a mark anyways.
So here it is, my love. My only
choice I have in my life. To love you. You can accept it or ignore it. That is out of MY control. I can only
understand without judgment. All I can do is wait. But in the meantime, I will
act from the decision to love you. And there is nothing you can do about it.
That is out of YOUR control.
Our ability to love is what makes
us divine. What makes us human is our desire to be loved.
And there is that.
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