Of big questions, the now and random rambling of a sceptic’s mind pt.3

There is no God. There, I said it. And as much as it pains a part of myself that was brought up by deeply religious mother, I have to admit it - there is none. This is not my belief - let me be clear about that - belief needs my agreeing. As if my concurring makes it more real. No, I am talking facts. Facts do not care, if one believes in them or not. They hold true no matter what. Recently, I watched a video on Youtube.  It was a long monologue of some Imam trying to demonstrate with logic how islam is somewhat different from other religions. He stated that truth can be for some 1+2 =3 (true) and for some 1+2 =4 or 1 (seemingly true). He said the latters are close to the truth, but only one is truly correct, thus justifying the correctness of Islam. There were several mistakes in his approach, but I will only note this one. He stated believers that 1+2=1 or 4 are close to the truth. I know what he meant by that, but he used a wrong analogy, and there is the irony. In mathematics or science there is no “being close to truth”. Something is either true or not. That is how concept of truth works. There is only one. The one of facts - what happened when and where! Implications these facts produce are a subject to an objective and logical inquisition to prove or disprove them in order to get a deeper understanding of reality. There might be only one truth, however, there are countless interpretations of it. And this is in a way what I am talking about here.

Of reality, action and other animals in disagreement.

Obviously, I have hard time following my schedule. A month just went by. When I started this, I haven´t envisioned my blog as a random pop up happening. I wanted for it to be a regular thing, but as I am the proof of how life takes us roads we haven´t anticipated, it should not come to me as a surprise, that yes, a month can go by just like that and that I cannot follow my own plan. Anyways, today it happened again. The need for me to write something down has emerged. It was triggered while I was watching a show on TV, Enlightened. You know it? Well for those who do not, just a little summary.  It is about a woman who, after a nervous breakdown at a job (love issues and betrayal), goes through months of soul searching journey in some Hippy Dippy camp, only to return back home to work at the same company with newly emerged need to help change the world around her. The show is a delight, smart and funny, but I am not here to give a review. Actually, I was intrigued by the thought of doubt about sincerity behind her actions in order to do “Good” and feeling genuine love (read acceptance) for people around her. What is more, I asked myself on what conclusion one can decide what is good for others? 

The character in the series is supposed to be the enlightened one. I still haven´t figure out, if the series is about her actually being enlightened or she is yet to become that. If the second is true I have no problem with it, however, if the first holds, than I cannot stay calm at this disfigurement of what being enlightened is supposed to mean. I can deduce from it one single fact, that there is a difference between acting and actually being enlightened. See, I cannot get rid of the feeling that her character is acting upon what she perceives as good and is not what actually IS good. Her actions are walking on a thin line between revenge and justice. Speaking of the latter, we do lean on it way too many times when we reason our actions. So my question here now is, does the perceived correspond with actual reality? Or, for that matter, what is reality?

Of abilities, decisions and other misconceptions of love.

I wanted to talk about misinterpretations and taking responsibility for interpretations others make of us. Well, I changed my mind. I do not want to sound grim or defensive. There will be time for that when emotions subside and situations grow colder. Instead I have something more festive to talk about, Love. Yup, love again. But you have to admit, that is the sole subject that can never be discussed enough, plus it always invites people's dreamy expression on their faces. And how could one ignore that happiness? 

So many of you have asked me privately, what was going on with me and my status updates/reports on Facebook. Why the culinary titles of my insights as pieces of beef? Well, it started as simple posting of the excerpts from my conversations with my new found (and lost) love interest, but it soon became something more, a project. I will not describe it yet, but it has a point. However, it slowly moved from what is on the outside into inner perceptions. My beef, my love, my rules, my decisions!

I know I have been talking about love on two or more occasions. I was somehow detached from the subject matter, though. This is actually what I am trying to do here. To take things from my private life and lift myself above it to get the better perspective of how I think things work. This time, I am personal. Not because I have any secret agenda. No, this time I am personal, because the message could not be more insightful to me. Let me explain.

Of misinterpretation, judgement and other fragments of my projects

This time I was caught off guard by the Wednesday´s obligations. Days have been seeping by like turning the pages of a children´s book. Quickly, with a rush to the finish line. I have just read the book I have been struggling with for a year and it left me speechless by the ideas author – a great scientist in the fields of quantum physics – has laid on table. There is much to think about, especially about the ending chapters dealing with quantum conscience of a human mind. It gave me something to think about, like how we make decisions, how much are we involved in that and how many of those taken are actually you-cannot-help-but decisions. At some point it sounded as if there is so little in “free will” that is actually free. Up to this point I have not yet come to a conclusion I would like to share, but it got me thinking about helplessness and judgments.

It is true, we are a sum of all of the experiences we have in our lives. Those make us who we are. In fact those make up our reality, for we cannot escape the interpretations we make upon reality we face every day. We tend to perceive reality the way, which is most suitable to our accustomed ways of thinking. Thus, judgements are born. Reality, after all, must coincide with the usual, the known. If it weren´t like that, that would mean we fail to understand it properly. It would mean we live a lie. Actually, it would mean we live in denial. It is much easier not to break one´s head on too much thinking. After all, we can control but our own actions (do we?) and respond intensively to the ones made upon us. Do not get me wrong, I would love to see reality the way I want. Simply taking it the way I need it to be to work for me, ignoring the possibility that I was wrong. I have friends who do not bother with it at all. They think nothing of it. They are sure of how and what they are and tend to see the Reality as a confirmation more than a challenge or a lifelong lesson.  However, I have always been interested in knowing the Truth. What really goes on and how it affects me, you and the society. I have always taken in consideration others´ point of view. I tried to weigh out the options and decide upon predictions of the outcome. Well, let me tell you it is a fruitless and pointless thing to do. I said it so many times here, that reality is what it is. Accepting it is a better way than fighting it. However, accepting does not mean giving into it. There is a difference, I hope you see that.  Anyways, seeing the Reality is something that I want to talk about now. Or better yet, show it.

Of charge, touch and other dreadful impossibilities.

Yesterday I found a file from my first computer. I still remember buying it and the anticipation of the delivery afterwards.  I can recall the excitement I felt when I plugged it in and the rattle of the vent accompanied by loud scratching of the needle in the hard disk. I remember thinking about all the things I would do with it. Mostly it was digitalizing the stuff I wrote by hand in my notebooks. That was actually the sole reason used, when I tried to persuade my father to buy it. “Everyone has it!” “I need it for school!” “I am tired of always waiting in line for my turn in school!” Eventually he saw into my reasoning and gave in. And, I did write a lot. There were many stories I started, but never finished. Countless songs, lyrics and poems among other stuff. When I switched to using a laptop, I put that entire unfinished opus in one file titled: Opus infinitum. It was that file I discovered and decided to take a look inside. What I found were diary entries, three novels (one of which still looks promising) and various thoughts on different subjects. I guess I always had it in me - this kind of writing, with only one difference. I did it in Slovene and wrote with naïve passion full of blame and sorrow. I guess I am still like that, only now I successfully hide that naïve passion and blame under pretentious knowledge with passive aggressive tone to it. I blame Alanis Morissette for that. 

In those files there was one Word file titled: We are never together. I decided to read it. Your God was it pathetic. It had some interesting points of observation to it, but mostly it was soaked with nihilism. You are right to imagine it was about relationships and love. I checked the date. I was 18 at the time. I realized I was writing about my first love, my first boy crush. The one that made it quite clear to me I was gay. From that point on it was pointless for me to hide behind the “cool” reasons, when I had to explain, why I had been without a girlfriend. You wouldn´t believe what kind of explanations I came up with just to erase the suspicion, quite unsuccessfully to be honest. However, this is not the topic I want to talk about. I believe my coming out story would be of no interest for you. I chose to start with this entry, because science that I read and use now in my work confirmed the sappy theory about people never being together. We truly are not. And here it is why.

of power of thought, red Golfs and other realities

Yesterday I was asked a question.  Do I believe in the Law of attraction? I remember holding a book in my hands once called “the secret” and watching the movie with the same title, but I stopped after 10 minutes into it. I remember not thinking too highly of it. I thought it to be too much of a new “New Age” thing for me. I consider myself a person of reason and intuition that does not easily follow any esoteric path someone comes up with. That is a gray area where no one is right or wrong. There is nothing that can be proved and nothing that can be simply dismissed. I respect that. It does not work for me, however. It is not that I need proof of its working, but I need convincing that is “real life” based. And when I say real life, I mean Reality on an objective level. I like to imagine I am able to lift myself up and observe the situation as a whole and not being blinded by simple desire or need to be important or to matter.  So let me elaborate on this.
 

I let my friends give me the proper summary of it. What they basically said was: “What you think happens.” And that, in itself, is the issue I just simply cannot accept. The thing with this is the illusion of possessing the actual Power to change Reality. In Zen Buddhism a simple line sums the Reality: Life is. So, Things happen. Reality is what it is. Surely we influence reality just by being present; we certainly do cause things to happen. I am causing something right now, sitting in the bar having a tea and enjoying my morning rolled cigarette. I do not know what I am causing by that, but had I not been doing it, we would have been talking about completely different Universe.  But to change it?