Of love, being in love and other mistakes we need to make.

Summer has arrived. Finally! It is 35 degrees in shadows and somewhere around 40 in my room, where I keep the iron running in order to guarantee impeccable garments. It has been strange, this year, so far. The usual transitions between seasons were blurred with weather´s strange behavior. Summer, spring and autumn have all been mixed together from February on. Now summer is here, however spring has been kind of missing. Not so much in the weather-like sense, as in the awakening of body and soul that accompanies it. Normally in spring I get all fired up with energy and when I see trees bloom I start to bloom within myself as well. I fall in love with Life. This year, the grey and the cold rain made me less open to emotionally glow. On the opposite, I was quite bitter and with energy level so low that I thought sometimes I would not survive the day.

It happened to me this week that a certain feeling was evoked in me. A feeling long forgotten. Actually, a feeling missed. I felt, as if I was in love. Pheromones, hormones, basic horniness...call it whatever, it was there and it still keeps in going. So I started to think about it. About love. Not only love for a particular person, but love, you know, the omnipresent one. The one we all like to talk about, but mix it the former one. I gave it a thought, deciding if I should write about this subject I have been avoiding for some time, although, I believe it has always subliminally underlined every sentence I wrote since the beginning. So I sat down and started to read a book I just bought titled: “Celebration of silence” by his holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. Since I do not believe in destiny, I shall call it a purposeful coincidence, be as it may, I opened it on the pages discussing love. And here are my thoughts he provoked.

Of abilities, decisions and other misconceptions of love.

I wanted to talk about misinterpretations and taking responsibility for interpretations others make of us. Well, I changed my mind. I do not want to sound grim or defensive. There will be time for that when emotions subside and situations grow colder. Instead I have something more festive to talk about, Love. Yup, love again. But you have to admit, that is the sole subject that can never be discussed enough, plus it always invites people's dreamy expression on their faces. And how could one ignore that happiness? 

So many of you have asked me privately, what was going on with me and my status updates/reports on Facebook. Why the culinary titles of my insights as pieces of beef? Well, it started as simple posting of the excerpts from my conversations with my new found (and lost) love interest, but it soon became something more, a project. I will not describe it yet, but it has a point. However, it slowly moved from what is on the outside into inner perceptions. My beef, my love, my rules, my decisions!

I know I have been talking about love on two or more occasions. I was somehow detached from the subject matter, though. This is actually what I am trying to do here. To take things from my private life and lift myself above it to get the better perspective of how I think things work. This time, I am personal. Not because I have any secret agenda. No, this time I am personal, because the message could not be more insightful to me. Let me explain.

Of love, attachment and other tragedies following it

Two things had happened this week. One was my birthday (not fishing for anything) and one of my friends broke up with his girlfriend, making him the 4^th person this month that faced same fate. I have written in here once, about the togetherness and how we are never really together. I explained; how the basic physics actually prevents us from really touch each other. When we feel someone´s touch, we actually feel our skin moving away from it and there is always some space left between the surfaces of our skin. This is due to the negative charge of the skin surfaces that push each other away. However, that is not the only thing that separates us. We, in fact, are never really together even when we are in relationship with someone.  This seems as a harsh statement to accept, especially in this society that was built up on the romantic connotation of every relationship. However, it is true. There is no difference between a relation to a person we choose and relation to any other person we´ve left neglected. On the opposite side, in my last blog entry I talked about the energy packets that make whole universe sustainable, so on the other hand, there are no limits between us. We are all pervaded with the same juice making us like swimmers in an endless energy sea that only gets denser with manifestation we call a body or an object, let´s call it matter, to cover all the aspects of tangible universe.

So, to return to “the abandoned”, since I have been having almost the same conversation for the past month, I realized that issues were all the same, feelings nothing different form a case to a case and my advice always included these two sentences. “It is naturally to feel sad, but you should stop dwelling in the thinking and over analyzing” and, “it´ll all pass as everything does; as your relationship did, too.” All is meant to pass away into nothingness, where it came from in the first place.  And also, since it was my birthday, or to be more specific, because of all the good wishes I got from my friends on Facebook that inhibited the same idea that we are never together, but somehow connected through space and time, I decided to talk about this before it becomes lukewarm and the passion about this grows weaker. Although I think, it ever will.

Of free will, smart brain and other undignified lazy days.

Remember how I like to say “life just happens”? Good for you, because I tend to forget it, especially in times, when everything seems to tumble downwards in a slow-mo. On days like that, I like to stay curled up in bed with only one arm sticking out scrolling down on 9gag or Facebook and feeling a certain sense of accomplishment, if I “like” and “comment” the stuff others do. It is like I am doing a good selfless work by noticing their effort.

Actually, it is not that I forgot about it. More, I choose to ignore it. I seem to not being able to will myself out of bed. Not being able to will a different action my brain sees as a solution. No matter how strong the reasons might be, no matter how logic and to the ground they are, I just do not want to succumb to it. It feels as if I am having a smarter version of myself inside who, like on court, presents me with evidence that support the suggestion. What a fruitless job it has indeed, for I already know I will shush it and do as pleased, always supporting my reasons to continue to feel miserable. Ego needs that sometimes. Sometimes, I say!

My yogi master says: “It is the way it is. Accept it and go on!", but my father has way greater response to those occasional complaints about how much life sucks sometimes. He says: “Dejan, life is just what you make it!” And I hate it when he does that. It hurts because he is right.

It is true. Life is what we make it. Not the emotional connotations, but the factual description of a given situation. Life is our actions. We make our life, life does not make us. Of course, sometimes we are forced to act a certain way, because situations demand that from us. What is more, we are placed into a System in which certain behavioral ways are expected. We cannot always do what we want. But I am not talking about those situations. I am talking about situations we create with actions that are based exclusively on our own decision making. On our free will.

Of misinterpretation, judgement and other fragments of my projects

This time I was caught off guard by the Wednesday´s obligations. Days have been seeping by like turning the pages of a children´s book. Quickly, with a rush to the finish line. I have just read the book I have been struggling with for a year and it left me speechless by the ideas author – a great scientist in the fields of quantum physics – has laid on table. There is much to think about, especially about the ending chapters dealing with quantum conscience of a human mind. It gave me something to think about, like how we make decisions, how much are we involved in that and how many of those taken are actually you-cannot-help-but decisions. At some point it sounded as if there is so little in “free will” that is actually free. Up to this point I have not yet come to a conclusion I would like to share, but it got me thinking about helplessness and judgments.

It is true, we are a sum of all of the experiences we have in our lives. Those make us who we are. In fact those make up our reality, for we cannot escape the interpretations we make upon reality we face every day. We tend to perceive reality the way, which is most suitable to our accustomed ways of thinking. Thus, judgements are born. Reality, after all, must coincide with the usual, the known. If it weren´t like that, that would mean we fail to understand it properly. It would mean we live a lie. Actually, it would mean we live in denial. It is much easier not to break one´s head on too much thinking. After all, we can control but our own actions (do we?) and respond intensively to the ones made upon us. Do not get me wrong, I would love to see reality the way I want. Simply taking it the way I need it to be to work for me, ignoring the possibility that I was wrong. I have friends who do not bother with it at all. They think nothing of it. They are sure of how and what they are and tend to see the Reality as a confirmation more than a challenge or a lifelong lesson.  However, I have always been interested in knowing the Truth. What really goes on and how it affects me, you and the society. I have always taken in consideration others´ point of view. I tried to weigh out the options and decide upon predictions of the outcome. Well, let me tell you it is a fruitless and pointless thing to do. I said it so many times here, that reality is what it is. Accepting it is a better way than fighting it. However, accepting does not mean giving into it. There is a difference, I hope you see that.  Anyways, seeing the Reality is something that I want to talk about now. Or better yet, show it.