Of goodness and badness and all the pointless things that do not exist.

Past few weeks have been crazy. The company we founded had its first public appearance (you can check the show here) and preparing it consumed most of my day, so there had been a little time left for thinking about other stuff than dresses. However, there was a lot of observation made, but in a way, I would not like to talk about fashion and its whims here, I will however post photos in one of the following blog entries. I wasn´t actually sure what I would like to talk about in this one, but then this morning my yogi master (yes, I have one) posted a video (on the bottom of the page) on facebook that got me all emotional and caught in thinking about us, the people.

 

It is this time of year, when the end - in many aspects - is drawing near and that makes us think about the past we lived, the past we co created and the past we shared. So excuse me for being a little more personal in this entry, I am helplessly caught in the web of reminiscing, memories and plans for the future. This year is special with the supposed end of the world, the regular birth of Savior and inevitable end of the year, they are all pushing us down the alley of self evaluation and the assessment of the year behind, as if “the end” would bring us a completely new and clean start with an empty page to scribble down our daily endeavors to make sense of the continuum we call life. It is needless to say that I do not think world would end in a spectacle we can watch first hand in the front row, however, I do believe things are about to change. Not in a drastic way, that is, rather I imagine its progression in a smooth transition of the human awareness, that I sense present for quite some time.

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned The Brownian motion, I talked about many things here, but I believe Brownian motion is worth mentioning twice and more, for it gives the exact explanation of how we are connected. What is more, it has a lot to do with what that video I mentioned above is about and even more so, it talks the language of the company we founded titled TheCollective, and its philosophy and vision. 

Of love, attachment and other tragedies following it

Two things had happened this week. One was my birthday (not fishing for anything) and one of my friends broke up with his girlfriend, making him the 4^th person this month that faced same fate. I have written in here once, about the togetherness and how we are never really together. I explained; how the basic physics actually prevents us from really touch each other. When we feel someone´s touch, we actually feel our skin moving away from it and there is always some space left between the surfaces of our skin. This is due to the negative charge of the skin surfaces that push each other away. However, that is not the only thing that separates us. We, in fact, are never really together even when we are in relationship with someone.  This seems as a harsh statement to accept, especially in this society that was built up on the romantic connotation of every relationship. However, it is true. There is no difference between a relation to a person we choose and relation to any other person we´ve left neglected. On the opposite side, in my last blog entry I talked about the energy packets that make whole universe sustainable, so on the other hand, there are no limits between us. We are all pervaded with the same juice making us like swimmers in an endless energy sea that only gets denser with manifestation we call a body or an object, let´s call it matter, to cover all the aspects of tangible universe.

So, to return to “the abandoned”, since I have been having almost the same conversation for the past month, I realized that issues were all the same, feelings nothing different form a case to a case and my advice always included these two sentences. “It is naturally to feel sad, but you should stop dwelling in the thinking and over analyzing” and, “it´ll all pass as everything does; as your relationship did, too.” All is meant to pass away into nothingness, where it came from in the first place.  And also, since it was my birthday, or to be more specific, because of all the good wishes I got from my friends on Facebook that inhibited the same idea that we are never together, but somehow connected through space and time, I decided to talk about this before it becomes lukewarm and the passion about this grows weaker. Although I think, it ever will.

Of unpredictability, tuning in and other reasons for my absence.

Life is unpredictable. That, I know. Life is random. Of that, I am sure. Life is a gift. That, I comprehend. Life is challenging. Of that, I am proof. Life is a journey.  That, I experience. Life is purposeless. That, I love.  Life is not mine to have or share. That, I am learning. But MY life is different. It is mine. And it might be unpredictable, it might be random, a gift and challenging. It might be a journey and purposeless and not mine to have or share. Yet I cannot get rid of the feeling it has a sense of direction, pointing forward to the next appointed moment. And even though that single moment is the sole thing I will ever be a part of, they all merge into seamless woven band creating the sense of passing through a Reason. I know within myself, I am not only convinced of that, we people find purpose in littlest things. This comes from the need to feel secure, but it talks about distrust. I wrote in one of my blog entries about taking the jump, others call it the leap of faith. It is when we fall, that we actually become still. We accelerate, when we feel the effect of gravity. And we do feel it all the time. We are standing on the ground, aren´t we? So when we are falling, we stop moving. We let the Earth move towards us, eventually leading to the smashing end. But I am not talking suicide here. I am using a metaphor from a physical state of fact. To trust and jump into a freefall, figuratively.

Of Coelho, mistakes and other entrapments of your own wisdom.

I am reading Paulo Coelho´s Aleph. The latest book. The one, that is supposed to be semi autobiographical. I have not yet finished it. To be precise, I have just started, not even 30 pages turned, but I got annoyed so many times already, that I have sincere doubts I will ever finish it. I guess I will, because I rarely let things go after I decided to do them. However, after those few pages reading it, my mind got stirred and a flow of thoughts ran through it preventing me to stay focused at all. I took an honest look to what was going on.

Once I have been writing here about change explaining my point of view. I found support in psychology and pure observation of life´s actions. I said that people do not change. The only thing subject to a change is deteriorating, ever decaying, ever rearranging, ever expanding and always interacting world of Nature ruled by Entropy. So yes, people do change in that sense, but psychologically? No. In their core, people stay the same. What changes, are adopted behavioral patterns. Things we learn along the way. But now, I suddenly found myself in a place, where I cannot but use this term. It describes well what happened to me.  I have simply changed. I am no longer the same Dejan I was 10 years ago, when I devoured Coelho´s books for breakfast.  That will sound really terrible, but I have to ask myself, did I simply outgrow Coelho?

Of shame, sefishness and other objects embedded in our brain.

First I would like to apologize for posting this late in the week. There were some weird tiny creatures sweeping the valley that coined me to my bed. I honestly did not feel like writing anything at all. What I did, however, was watching Community - all the seasons; 3 of them to be precise.  Needless to say, I loved the show. I haven´t given it a chance before, but I am pretty sure you all know of it already, so I do not want to spend any time on its premise and meta-humor it uses. I came to realize there is a pattern pervading my life. I usually get to know new stuff (to me) long after everybody else have got over the hype already. In a way I am like the MEME character Slowpoke, who seems to suffer the same condition. I actually do not mind being like that at all. I like to let things enter my life when they do, instead of constantly following trends of what is going on right now. There is so much information that I find useless on internet and so many shows that never reach the level of intelligence I like to be intrigued by or music that is plain simple copy paste sex sales attitude assemblage that I do wholeheartedly cherish the oblivion I live in sometimes.

However, there was something exclusively rare in Community that moved me, what other sitcoms tend to ignore. There was a moment of insight without any hint of sarcasm, irony or auto irony that I generally love. There was an insight that moved me so much, I had to stop and re-watch it 3 times just so that I could write down the monologue Jeff (a self-obsessed smartass character in it) had. It spoke to me about connection. A Connection to oneself rather than to each other.

Of quantum entanglement, memories and other connections that cause our future.

I will be short this week. There is a lot going on and honestly I didn´t have much time left to think and read and surely I do not have enough of it now to expand on things that happened. But if I look back on last week, I could say, it has been reeking of the past. Maybe reeking is a wrong word to use, but we all know how past can be haunting and sometimes “reek” is the only word capable of describing its emotional impact. It grasps the smell of regret and sorrow, weeping over years long gone, that remind us of growing old. Inevitably reaching the ending point we all are destined to meet. But sometimes, past can be fun to think of, bringing joy and sweet remembrance of the things that made this life worth living. However, sometimes these exact things can cause the previously mentioned bunch of “bad stuff”. May it be the latter or the first, one thing is undeniable. Past is long gone and it only exist in our memory. And this is what I got curious to talk about.

I am not interested in memory as such. We all know what it is. We all have it. For some it would be better to selectively forget it, for some that are suffering from its loss, the only wish is to regain it. Memory has this special sadistic personality to itself. It initiates a chain reaction of whatever one recalls. Once it starts, it is like Pandora´s box that should never have been opened in the first place. Memories of memories resurfacing one after another and sometimes even all at once. It would all be great, if the memories were nice, ironically this mostly happens, when one remembers embarrassment; something one pushes back, in order to forget. Then, it takes a great disciplinary act to shut it down. I found it helps, if I say LA-LA-LA aloud. This shoves them off quite successfully.

You can only imagine what kind of memories would be flashing through my mind, if I told you I had my class reunion last Saturday. Well, you would guess wrong. I was amazed how things that once put distance between us, were the exact things that brought us closer over time and space. What I found amazing was, that memory is the only real connection we will ever have. And I had one of the best times of my life. 

Of free will, smart brain and other undignified lazy days.

Remember how I like to say “life just happens”? Good for you, because I tend to forget it, especially in times, when everything seems to tumble downwards in a slow-mo. On days like that, I like to stay curled up in bed with only one arm sticking out scrolling down on 9gag or Facebook and feeling a certain sense of accomplishment, if I “like” and “comment” the stuff others do. It is like I am doing a good selfless work by noticing their effort.

Actually, it is not that I forgot about it. More, I choose to ignore it. I seem to not being able to will myself out of bed. Not being able to will a different action my brain sees as a solution. No matter how strong the reasons might be, no matter how logic and to the ground they are, I just do not want to succumb to it. It feels as if I am having a smarter version of myself inside who, like on court, presents me with evidence that support the suggestion. What a fruitless job it has indeed, for I already know I will shush it and do as pleased, always supporting my reasons to continue to feel miserable. Ego needs that sometimes. Sometimes, I say!

My yogi master says: “It is the way it is. Accept it and go on!", but my father has way greater response to those occasional complaints about how much life sucks sometimes. He says: “Dejan, life is just what you make it!” And I hate it when he does that. It hurts because he is right.

It is true. Life is what we make it. Not the emotional connotations, but the factual description of a given situation. Life is our actions. We make our life, life does not make us. Of course, sometimes we are forced to act a certain way, because situations demand that from us. What is more, we are placed into a System in which certain behavioral ways are expected. We cannot always do what we want. But I am not talking about those situations. I am talking about situations we create with actions that are based exclusively on our own decision making. On our free will.

Of misinterpretation, judgement and other fragments of my projects

This time I was caught off guard by the Wednesday´s obligations. Days have been seeping by like turning the pages of a children´s book. Quickly, with a rush to the finish line. I have just read the book I have been struggling with for a year and it left me speechless by the ideas author – a great scientist in the fields of quantum physics – has laid on table. There is much to think about, especially about the ending chapters dealing with quantum conscience of a human mind. It gave me something to think about, like how we make decisions, how much are we involved in that and how many of those taken are actually you-cannot-help-but decisions. At some point it sounded as if there is so little in “free will” that is actually free. Up to this point I have not yet come to a conclusion I would like to share, but it got me thinking about helplessness and judgments.

It is true, we are a sum of all of the experiences we have in our lives. Those make us who we are. In fact those make up our reality, for we cannot escape the interpretations we make upon reality we face every day. We tend to perceive reality the way, which is most suitable to our accustomed ways of thinking. Thus, judgements are born. Reality, after all, must coincide with the usual, the known. If it weren´t like that, that would mean we fail to understand it properly. It would mean we live a lie. Actually, it would mean we live in denial. It is much easier not to break one´s head on too much thinking. After all, we can control but our own actions (do we?) and respond intensively to the ones made upon us. Do not get me wrong, I would love to see reality the way I want. Simply taking it the way I need it to be to work for me, ignoring the possibility that I was wrong. I have friends who do not bother with it at all. They think nothing of it. They are sure of how and what they are and tend to see the Reality as a confirmation more than a challenge or a lifelong lesson.  However, I have always been interested in knowing the Truth. What really goes on and how it affects me, you and the society. I have always taken in consideration others´ point of view. I tried to weigh out the options and decide upon predictions of the outcome. Well, let me tell you it is a fruitless and pointless thing to do. I said it so many times here, that reality is what it is. Accepting it is a better way than fighting it. However, accepting does not mean giving into it. There is a difference, I hope you see that.  Anyways, seeing the Reality is something that I want to talk about now. Or better yet, show it.

Of charge, touch and other dreadful impossibilities.

Yesterday I found a file from my first computer. I still remember buying it and the anticipation of the delivery afterwards.  I can recall the excitement I felt when I plugged it in and the rattle of the vent accompanied by loud scratching of the needle in the hard disk. I remember thinking about all the things I would do with it. Mostly it was digitalizing the stuff I wrote by hand in my notebooks. That was actually the sole reason used, when I tried to persuade my father to buy it. “Everyone has it!” “I need it for school!” “I am tired of always waiting in line for my turn in school!” Eventually he saw into my reasoning and gave in. And, I did write a lot. There were many stories I started, but never finished. Countless songs, lyrics and poems among other stuff. When I switched to using a laptop, I put that entire unfinished opus in one file titled: Opus infinitum. It was that file I discovered and decided to take a look inside. What I found were diary entries, three novels (one of which still looks promising) and various thoughts on different subjects. I guess I always had it in me - this kind of writing, with only one difference. I did it in Slovene and wrote with naïve passion full of blame and sorrow. I guess I am still like that, only now I successfully hide that naïve passion and blame under pretentious knowledge with passive aggressive tone to it. I blame Alanis Morissette for that. 

In those files there was one Word file titled: We are never together. I decided to read it. Your God was it pathetic. It had some interesting points of observation to it, but mostly it was soaked with nihilism. You are right to imagine it was about relationships and love. I checked the date. I was 18 at the time. I realized I was writing about my first love, my first boy crush. The one that made it quite clear to me I was gay. From that point on it was pointless for me to hide behind the “cool” reasons, when I had to explain, why I had been without a girlfriend. You wouldn´t believe what kind of explanations I came up with just to erase the suspicion, quite unsuccessfully to be honest. However, this is not the topic I want to talk about. I believe my coming out story would be of no interest for you. I chose to start with this entry, because science that I read and use now in my work confirmed the sappy theory about people never being together. We truly are not. And here it is why.

Of change (pt.2), entropy and other failed satisfactions.

Last week I elaborated on change, particularly human capability to change. I made the conclusion about that clear (at least what I think of it), but the talk is far from over. Change is a powerful subject, one of my favorites to be honest. The word change carries the very essence of what gives hope its meaning. It quite shamelessly points out our discomfort when it comes to stability, or let me rephrase it, perpetuation. I consciously chose an emotionally indifferent word that could describe any situation. May it be positive or negative we simply want things to change, hopefully for the better. We get fed up so easily and so fast turning our heads around looking for a better thing to come along, especially when we are caught up in troublesome situation. It is out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new attitude that drives us. 

As it is everything that I write here inspired by what goes on in my or someone else´s life, so it happens that change lately pervades most of the topics I have with my friends. I guess there must be something in the air or maybe it is just the fact we reached that age when we ask ourselves what is going on and reflect on life we led up to this very point, remembering the visions we had when we were 20 and evaluating current manifestations. More and more of my friends complain that their life has come to a halt. Nothing seems to move forward. Everything stays the same. They feel as if some grand master pressed the pause button and wants them to observe the frozen picture on the screen. To see what precisely? What is there to see that one has not already seen? It is, after all, them who lead their life consciously; no one can tell them what else is there. And, is it really true that life stopped even though they feel life stepped into purgatorial state?

Of Change, Temperament and Other manipulations

I usually get in trouble when I talk to people about change, especially when the talk is about how people have changed. See, I do not believe it is possible for a person to change at all. Not even a single bit, at least not there where it matters. Sure, one can have a life changing experience or deep insights, but that does not necessary mean he has changed along with it, too. His life has, the circumstances have, he knows something more about himself, so he needs to adjust and accumulate new behavioral patterns. Learn and adopt; recognize and control; experience and manage. This is how it works. So, there is no sugar coating the subject with me, when my friend tells me she is getting back with her ex-boyfriend, because he supposedly has changed.

Of interpretations, reality and other cracks in human communication

Things happen, I say. Not able to say who has caused them, because that would start out as a looking-for-a-reason, but inevitably end up in finger pointing. I say, Life happens. I say that a lot, not yet sure how I feel about it, though. That covers my view on everything, regardless. It must show in my own interpretations of reality, then. As a person of a restless eye and mind, for that matter, I am intrigued by the simplest things that happen around me and if I have the photo with me, I take pictures of the weirdest things. Lately, majority of those are cracks in the roads I am walking. There is just something about their unpredictable, man-influence-free nature that seduces me. Yet, they all resemble each other, where ever I take them. May it be Krakow, Reykjavik, Berlin, Stockholm, Malta, Porto, Barcelona or Kobarid.  However, when I take pictures of moments that are not only cracks in the asphalt, I am not looking for any kind of reasoning as why it happened or what it represents. On the opposite, I take them the way they are and there is always a certain thought they provoked, a memory or look-a-like resemblance. I found out, the image is always embedded in a context. The kind that is taken for granted or we are just used to see them together supporting each other. There is a natural go-along relation between them. I am all about context and a message it supports, that is why I like to change it, twist it or simply turn it upside down. By that, the original message gets stronger, clearer or it creates a new meaning completely. But then it does not matter, if I emphasize or diminish it. I am not interested in that. Nor am I interested in interpretations people make, because they, too, happen anyways. People will always try to grasp the thought behind them and assume conclusions. That is a magic side of Reality I call human state of mind.

Now, interpretation of reality is a topic worth writing about. Or should I say misinterpretations based on assumption to understand.

Of letting go, gravity and other suicidal attepmts

I never completely understood the whole “let go” concept! People use it as a solution to every uncomfortable situation. I understand its use when one is faced with fear of doing something for the first time or any kind of reservation for that matter. I understand and practice it when it comes to never ceasing rumble of the same thought over and over again.  Hell, I recommend it. Rumble can make you go insane. I support the letting go of attachment to things, which is the one of the bases of Four Noble Truths in Buddhism.  Letting go is a Noble thing to do in order for one to reach a peaceful mind.  And that is, we must agree, something everybody wants.  But I have a hard time accepting it when it comes to situations that need some attention. When there are resolutions to be made and discussions to be had in order to come to an understanding of the given situation. And there is precisely where people usually use its powerful idea and my concerns begin.

I wonder how many times this philosophy is being used to avoid dealing with things, to take an honest look on the situation. How many times do we try to shut our eyes not to see the reality, not to accept the possibility that it actually sucks. Or that nothing good can come out of it.  No matter how true it is, that knowing the future is not in our hands, there is inevitable fact of intuition, based on past experiences, that patiently and persistently whispers to our ears we should deal with it and then actually let it go. Not the thinking about it, but the situation altogether. We only apply the “let go” when it comes to thinking and building up thought patterns that cause emotional states like fear, doubt, concern, shame and regret. What if we applied it to the situation per se! What about letting go of the action; letting go of the need to be in it? To let hope go.

Of internet connection, blog posting and other members of the Simpson Family

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

No internet connection is a lame excuse for neglecting blog posting.

Copy Pasting is not really a punishment!

Bart Simpson

Of spontaneous inspiration, the context and other useless plastics

Of unpredictability, probability and other abilites

My friend once told me a wise line: Worry about the stuff you can control. I was in a state where I tried to surf my way through life, trying to push situations so that their outcome would be beneficial for me. I tried too hard sometimes, bringing myself to experience powerlessness and confusion. His words struck me. Not only because it was a revelation I´d known of before and not followed it, but because he was right there saying it with such ease and he was 19. He still remains one of the most down to earth people in my life.

I immediately stopped what I was doing. It was surprising how easily I just let go of the situation and let Life take its course. For that is precisely what that is. Life.  When I remember it now, I recall the situation surrounded with friction. In that instant I realized I was trying to squeeze a camel through needle´s ear. I knew I was pushing it, but I needed to hear it too. So, it got me thinking then, how much of our life we have control over. We humans, we are control freaks. We have those dreams, wishes, ambitions and visions of how our life should turn out like. We act upon those and lots of times we struggle, experiencing loss of faith in ourselves and that, by itself, is already a turn downwards on to the path of self doubt. I was there and I found huge relief in realization there is not a single Thing I can control. It all succumbs to the law of unpredictability.

Of time, space and other delicious slices

As an artist or, let´s say, a creative person, I derive all of my inspiration from Physics and Mathematics, which allows me to find new ways to compose my designs or find the scientific reason for them to be the way they are. This has been working for me so far and it feels like an “it has to be that way”. I found out early in my beginnings not to fight the outcome but to accept it, to allow the garments to happen the way they want, to let textile shape the way it feels. One could easily say I follow some kind of destiny´s touch (whereas I see it more as an unpredictability ´s touch). This is interesting to me, because I refuse to believe in Destiny, but my refusal does not work as a proof of its non existence. One wise monk of satanistic movement said: “If you believe in God, than you have to believe in Devil.” Or to quote the movie Constantine when Rachel Weiss said: “I do not believe in Devil!” to which Constantine responded: “Well, you better start, because he surely believes in you!”

So I was trying to understand where this sense of Destiny comes from, where this feeling of “rightness of moments” comes from; why do I truly believe I was meant to be a designer; why I feel it like my calling. I made it clear in the previous blog entry about Destiny when I said we people find a simple way that unwinds itself to this very point only when looking back. It feels as if we had been led by a careful hand to this very moment of our life. True, I found out. Something does lead us. But it is not Destiny. It seems to me that it has all already happened.” 

of power of thought, red Golfs and other realities

Yesterday I was asked a question.  Do I believe in the Law of attraction? I remember holding a book in my hands once called “the secret” and watching the movie with the same title, but I stopped after 10 minutes into it. I remember not thinking too highly of it. I thought it to be too much of a new “New Age” thing for me. I consider myself a person of reason and intuition that does not easily follow any esoteric path someone comes up with. That is a gray area where no one is right or wrong. There is nothing that can be proved and nothing that can be simply dismissed. I respect that. It does not work for me, however. It is not that I need proof of its working, but I need convincing that is “real life” based. And when I say real life, I mean Reality on an objective level. I like to imagine I am able to lift myself up and observe the situation as a whole and not being blinded by simple desire or need to be important or to matter.  So let me elaborate on this.
 

I let my friends give me the proper summary of it. What they basically said was: “What you think happens.” And that, in itself, is the issue I just simply cannot accept. The thing with this is the illusion of possessing the actual Power to change Reality. In Zen Buddhism a simple line sums the Reality: Life is. So, Things happen. Reality is what it is. Surely we influence reality just by being present; we certainly do cause things to happen. I am causing something right now, sitting in the bar having a tea and enjoying my morning rolled cigarette. I do not know what I am causing by that, but had I not been doing it, we would have been talking about completely different Universe.  But to change it?

Of destiny, dust and other catastrophes

One of my dear friends wrote recently on his Facebook status: “Destiny has a tendency to cross paths, but never unite them.”  This thought is an honest observation of life´s happenings. Honest, but grim. It feels bitter and hopeless somehow. Nevertheless, it was a creation of a great mind in my opinion only in its 21st year of existence. But it got me thinking.
 
Destiny has always played a great role in our society. It justifies one´s actions or gives reasons to abandon others. It works as a painkiller by offering the object to blame for one´s non-action, wrong-action or epic grand success and a happy forever-after. It makes us feel we have a purpose, a calling, a reason; moreover it makes us believe that somehow, if not yet, we will find our own. Some time, some day. That is all good and safe, but the problem arises when it becomes personified as a master that leads our life, even if only from one checkpoint to another leaving the paths in between for us to choose.

Of bosons and fermions and other human relations

I always believed in simplicity. That is why I love physical science. It believes in it too. Or to put it in Richard Feynman´s words: If nature will reveal its self a given way, who am I to tell it is not so!  One cannot force one´s idea on something. You accept it for what it is. That is why Feynman is my favorite scientist.

Simplicity is pointing it out clearly. What works on a smaller scale, must be working on a bigger one as well. Ironically, Physical science is trying for years to join Quantum Mechanic with General relativity. They each work on a simple scale, but when you join them, one gets results that not even magician can come up with. But they are a part of and each precisely describe the same Nature.

No matter how complicated it looks on the surface, how grand the momentum of all particles is, from the simple Law´s point of view, there is no other way for a chosen event to happen, but to follow it.

We humans think we are complicated. We feel pride and we feel special claiming that. It gives us a sense of reason for being here. It ensures us we are on the top of the Evolution. Complicated as we may seem, one would have a hard time finding a person who would not wanted to experience, share and feel love. It looks as if love might be the simple Law that undergoes our existence. It supports it. It gives it weight. But Love has nothing to do with relationships. We make relationships complicated, Love just simply is.  And so there was this Book, "Time, Space and Things" by B. K. Ridley that gave me an interesting thought.

See, there are this “families” of basic particles that make all we know real. Those families are Fermions and Bosons.  According to Pauli´s principle no two same electrons can occupy same space. In order to do so, they have to have a different Spin. And there can only be two of them. Electrons are Fermions. And in this family, Protons and Neutrons are too. All of them together making up an Atom. Bosons, on the other hand, are not bothered by each other. There can be as many as possible together, hell, “the presence of one, far from excluding, positively encourages the company of another”(Ridley, pg. 26). In this family are Photons and Gravitons. The particles that make Light and Gravity, or to be precise, the fields in which they travel.  Whereas Bosons are a particles of Togetherness, Fermions are Individualists. Sounds familiar?

How amazing is it, that particles making Light (Electromagnetic field) and Gravity have no restriction, but are all about acceptance and working together, not feeling oppressed or endangered by the presence of another? And how astonishing it is, that Fermions, the ones that make elementary entity like Atom real, can be overruled by the effect of a Strong force, without which, nucleus would just fall apart. There is a Force needed that can overcome the exact basic character “flaw” that makes stuff real. The stuff like stone, water, concrete, oil, things, animals….human.

Could it be then there are two types of people? Boson ones, for whom it feels natural to look for a human being to share their life with, that feel confirmed by them. And Fermion ones, that lead their individual life of independence, troubled and challenged by the presence of another human and in need of a special force, a really strong one, to make them forget their differences and start working together, to bring something else, bigger than them, real? Could Love be the force needed for that? Could it be, Love was invented for us to accept eachother, because, there are not many of Boson type around. Could it be, Human became Fermion when he departed from basic drive of an animal and started to use Intellect. Is it so hard to believe, that intellect caused the birth of Love, but now fears it all the same?

Or is it simpler, yet, that we become Boson by realising independency is not an answer and that in codependency lies the secret to happiness. Alanis Morisette said: The moment I let go of it was the moment I got more than I could handle. The moment I jumped off of it Was the moment I touched down. Maybe she is right? Let go and jump. Simple enough?